Here’s a diary that a Killzone PS3 developer may (or may not) have sent me:

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My productivity has been under some scrutiny here at Guerilla games, so Jimbob (my boss) has asked me to keep track of everything I do. Here’s my list of what I actually did last week. Come reporting time I’ll have to re-work it a bit, I guess. Working on Killzone for the PS3 isn’t easy - too much pressure!

Monday

Browsed the web. Laughed at everyone who thought Killzone might come out this year. Or next.
Choked on a chocolate-covered pretzel.

Tuesday

Played Killzone: Liberation, our other great game.
Scanned my face and added it to the game as that smarmy inside man.
Scanned my butt and added it to the game as an achievement.
Throat is still sore from choking on pretzel.

Wednesday

Perused Home Beta looking for good sniping positions.
I’m finding it hard to swallow any food. Going to fluid-only diet.

Thursday Morning

Posted on ps3forums asking when Killzone will be done.
Increased bobbing effect when character is walking - it just wasn’t enough in the PS2 version.
Didn’t have breakfast.

Thursday Afternoon

Finally wrote code to have an NPC give the player a rocket launcher.
Showed a Helghast playing Halo 3 in the back of a troop carrier.
Added some level glitches to be removed in a patch.
Made a Helghast pee his pants if shot from behind. (Only visible in new replay mode, of course.)
Added fart noise when reloading shotgun.
Thought abouting eating a Hot Pocket, decided against it.

Thursday Evening

If username contains the string “Allard”, increase health degeneration rate 5 times. Tee hee.
Play music from gamer’s music folder, but backwards. Can’t give users too much of what they want.
Didn’t eat anything at all today, starting to feel light-headed.

Friday

Had a beer. Hurts like the dickens to swallow, but hey. It’s beer. And it’s Friday.
Removed chat support and online splitscreen. (See music, above.)
Had another beer. Ouch!
Lost the list of level glitches. Dag nabbit!
Had another beer. Double ouch!
Went to see doctor. He removed the pretzel.