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PS3Blog.net | September 26, 2017

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Assassin’s Creed Impressions | PS3Blog.net

Pros: Technology

– Climbing and Jumping: This game has the most realistic, detailed, life-like, and gorgeously animated climbing and jumping mechanics. The actual subtle details of the building geometry are hyper-accurately simulated and the result is a real technical marvel.
– Animation. In addition to the above, all the character movements and even the horse movements are beautifully animated in life-like fashion.
– Beautiful “open world”. There are some truly breathtaking moments when this game shows you beautiful camera sweeps through the lushly detailed environments.

Cons: This Game is a Bore

Most gamers probably wanted to live out their fantasies of being a super hip and hyper-violent killer. You don’t do a lot of that. You do spend a lot of time:

– Holding a button to walk extra slowly and not attract attention
– “Blending” in with groups of slow-walking scholars.
– Doing exciting, action packed missions over and over like “sit on a bench and eavesdrop” and “help out nice civilian”. I’m sure “help old lady cross the street” and “watch paint dry” would come next.
– Politely getting through crowds of peasants with the “gentle push” button. I’m not exaggerating, that’s the actual name of the button. Etiquette is a crucial part of being an assassin. There are some rumored cheat codes to unlock the “properly fold napkin” and “eat your vegetables” buttons.
– Listen to white-haired geezers repeatedly lecture you about breaking all of the stupid assassin’s rules. Assassin’s rules? That’s right, you didn’t join the cool assassin guild like something from a Tarantino movie, you joined the bureaucratic assassin’s guild with lots of red tape and cranky white-hairs and meetings. I’m surprised the game doesn’t make you fill out any assassin’s paperwork.

Oh and guess what happens if you’ve had the patience to drag yourself through the hours of boring crap to one of the actual assassinations? Another long-winded non-skippable dying words soliloquy.

The dialog and voice acting is terrible throughout the whole game. Imagine some pseudo-philosophical garbage on the social benefits of assassins being read by terrible voice actors who thinks they can fake a middle-eastern accent because they just ate a falafel. It’s that bad.

Women in the Gaming Industry

I hate to say it, but this is what happens when you put a business woman in charge of a game. It feels like someone’s grandmother designed this game and put all this etiquette crap and moral garbage in the game and covered everything with doilies and screwed it all up.

UPDATE: If this offended anyone, I apologize. Don’t worry, everyone will forget this by tomorrow anyway.

doilies.jpg

Real Life vs. Fantasy

In the real world, I’m polite, humble, non-violent, I let people cut me off in traffic, etc. However, in fantasy, I like to blow off steam and do the stuff that I can’t do in real life such as drive a ferrari and pick up a street hooker or escape a mental asylum and stab someone with a syringe.

This game is a like a cranky slow-paced etiquette lesson in assassin disguise. If that sounds boring to you, I would suggest you look elsewhere for entertainment.

  • “I hate to say it, but this is what happens when you put a business woman in charge of a game. It feels like someone’s grandmother designed this game and put all this etiquette crap and moral garbage in the game and covered everything with doilies and screwed it all up.”

    Wow, that is the most misogynistic piece of garbage I’ve read all year. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    Go back in your cave, idiot.

  • Darrin, I think you can only blame Jade for this

  • Rich

    Please tell me that this site has somehow been hacked and this post is the result.

  • I have to agree with Josh a bit…

    We can’t even remotely tell, how much influence Raymond had over the development… If any at all (and I doubt that, although she was quoted as “producer”).

    The problem with this game was mostly, that they focused to much on the technical side (which is quite good btw) and too little on the gameplay side. The missions are boring at best and the story (except the preface and the endgame) is a complete mess… I wrote a small article about that the other day (when it came out). Being an avid movie watcher and critic, my beef was, that the story was stretched too far. The 9 kills had no coherence at all, you just had to do it, and after that, the victim told you his story… Putting all pieces together in the end (killing the last (mission) target) was ok and reads well on paper… Usually a movie has 3 parts. Exposé, build up and climax… AC did 1 and 3 good, but the build up was a complete and utter mess and terms of everything, from gameplay to storytelling…

  • Sporty

    I actually enjoyed the game. It had it’s problems but a lot of games do.

    I don’t think Woman in gaming have anything to do with the game. But that line about that’s what happens seems highly offensive

  • Funny post, coming from a man whose very previous post was begging for a PS3 version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!

    In real life, I’m a nice driver, but in fantasy land, I like to DANCE!

    Terrible post. I really respected this site before I read that.

  • Darrin

    There were some blatantly feminine influences on this game: the etiquette, the morality, the constant in-game lectures from the elderly, and the “gentle pushes”. This stuff ruined the game. This was just a terrible fantasy.

    You people are over-sensitive ninnies. I’m not making any personal attacks. I have huge respect for women in the workplace as both coworkers and as supervisors. All I’m saying is that if Jade Raymond directs the sequel to Pulp Fiction, “Pulp Fiction 2: Proper Table Manners”, count me out.

  • Mike

    Con: Ubisoft shuns EGM from coverage of all their games for telling like it is. This game is a marvel of marketing. Based on nothing, it is pre-ordained as a AAA game, it comes out, it sure as hell isn’t, but still sells 2 million copies. Sad state of affairs.

  • “There were some blatantly feminine influences on this game: the etiquette, the morality, the constant in-game lectures from the elderly, and the ‘gentle pushes’. This stuff ruined the game.”

    Etiquette, morality and subtlety are not unique to the fairer half of our sex, although clearly such concepts would be alien to a bigot like yourself. Neither would lengthy monologues ever be construed as a “feminine influence”.

    “You people are over-sensitive ninnies. I’m not making any personal attacks. I have huge respect for women in the workplace as both coworkers and as supervisors.”

    Such sincere ignorance, followed up with this gem:

    “All I’m saying is that if Jade Raymond directs the sequel to Pulp Fiction, “Pulp Fiction 2: Proper Table Manners”, count me out.”

    I sincerely hope you seek some help.

  • Pelle

    Relax people don’t be so srious. I had some really good laughs when I read the review and I couldn’t agrre more with the game itself.

    I bought the game and wen’t back with it to the store the day after…….it sucks bigtime !

  • Martin

    Wow, I really enjoyed the game. Sure it has it’s flaws and if you do all the rescue innocent people missions, I see why people think it’s a bit repetetive, but you don’t have to do them!

    Just do the game in a pace that fits you. I really loved running across rooftops, pulling off cool kills before guards knew what hit them.

    This game for me was about style! Never before have I controlled a character that does what he does with such style and easyness.

    Pulling off stealth kills from rooftops or in alleyways..

    My bigges complaint about the game was that I couldn’t go back after I finished it and go GTA on Jerusalem, flighting numerous guards, finding flags. Just explore the world.

    I will definetively buy the next one 🙂

  • Joshua has it right: you seem to think that having an element of morality in a game makes it somehow feminine or even effeminate. What a pathetic excuse for a review: it’s people like you who give the gaming industry, and blogging in general, a bad name.

    I think a proper apology and a large slice of humble pie are in order.

  • You’ve definitely over stepped the mark Darrin. Jade Raymond wasn’t solely in charge of Assassin’s Creed and you shouldn’t target your bizarre dislike of “etiquette, the morality, the constant in-game lectures from the elderly, and the “gentle pushes” and lay the blame on Jade Raymond.

    If you’ve ever tried making your way through a crowd of people you will find (well I certainly do) that you do gently push and nudge people while saying excuse me, in-order to get past.

    You try and violently push somebody just to get past in real life and see what happens to you.

    I can fully understand you wanting to “blow of steam” by playing mindless violence games like Manhunt 2 but AC isn’t exactly restrained when it comes to kills.

    If like me you got bored of doing the repetitive side missions then you’ve got the freedom to blast through the cities killing anybody that gets in your way. I ended up doing the minimum needed to trigger the assassination once I got so sick of doing the sub quests!!

  • Rjcc

    I didn’t know patrice desilets was a woman.

  • Emrah

    OMG, there’s not only etiquette in the game, but also morality?! What has the world come to.. And why isn’t there a bonus when I kill innocent people? In GTA, them pedestrians drop money when I squash their heads. Now that’s what I call a good game: full of testosteron, I can almost smell the sweaty ballzors.

    /end sarcasm
    p.s. I regret having to add the last informational bit, but too many times people can take things for real on the internet.

  • I personally never bothered with the game, since most of the reviews gave the impression that it’s as tedious as hell.

    But there are two points I’d like to raise about Darrin’s comments:

    1. I don’t believe it has anything to do with “a woman being in charge”. After all, Amy Hennig was Game Director on Uncharted, and that’s a stunning game, full of all the things you say you love!

    2. If you don’t like lecturing, preachy monologues about morality, I can only assume that you avoid MGS titles like the plague, since they’re known to be among the worst for the things you hate. And, umm, they’re the product of a man.

  • Darrin

    Fine, you guys win. I’m an insensitive jerk and I apologize.

    I thought the game itself was effeminate and listed several reasons why. I tried to make it entertaining to read, I’m sorry I offended people, and I won’t do this kind of post again.

    I give the industry a bad name?

    I think the sites (GamesRadar, GamePro) who took a bribe to review this game as a perfect 10 are far worse.

  • Darrin

    Gary, I will apologize for any offensive remarks, but for Manhunt’s clever dialog, excellent voice acting, and immersive atmosphere, I will not apologize!!! That game isn’t “mindless violence”, it’s extremely well thought out violence and it’s easily the best narrative in any game from the past two years.

    Paranoimia, great example. I love Uncharted. It’s a quality title that stands on its own. The fact that some of the senior staff involved were female is completely irrelevant. We can highly praise the game on its merits.

    I really disliked AC as an end product. The gender/religion/ethnicity/age of the staff is irrelevant, but I found that the end product was unpleasantly effeminate. We’ll save the Metal Gear discussion for another day.

    Pelle, thank you! I’m glad someone enjoyed this and didn’t take this too seriously.

  • Rjcc

    It’s not just that you’re an insensitive jerk, its that you’re an uninformed idiot. If you had researched for 5 minutes, you’d know that the design complaints you have were the choice of the man who lead the project. If you had just dissed the french instead of women, we’d all be laughing. You’d still be horribly wrong about needing to be bribed to think this is a good game, but you wouldn’t be quite as much of a moron as you are. Next time don’t get so distracted by the pretty lady that you don’t notice the guy sitting next to her.

  • Gary

    I enjoyed the original Manhunt greatly, the 2nd one hasn’t been given a UK release yet and I won’t be buying it because all reviews point to it being inferior to Manhunt.

    My point is you didn’t need to add that “Women In The Gaming Industry” paragraph. It really has no relevance to the game and it just looks like you’re jumping on the bash Jade Raymond bandwagon.

    Then there’s your point about the game being too “effeminate”, as if that was a bad thing.

    I wasn’t asking you to apologise for anything, especially not Manhunt. I just found your comments about AC being too girly a bit bizarre and not really needed.

    I did my own post about AC a while back and slated it for it’s repetitiveness and simplified controls, so I’m not saying the game isn’t without it’s flaws.

  • Chetil

    I thought Darrin’s impressions of the game was quite funny. And I felt the same way when I played Assassin’s Creed. But I didn’t think for one moment that he was serious when he was blaming women for the way the game turned out. I thought he was just trying to make a funny point about how the game felt. Like this comment:

    “It feels like someone’s grandmother designed this game and put all this etiquette crap and moral garbage in the game and covered everything with doilies and screwed it all up.”

    Followed by a picture of doilies. I found that funny. But I think many took this text a little too literally.

    You have to walk slowly (read: sneak) in MGS too, but there it makes much more sense. In AC you come from a castle full of assassins who are all dressed like assassins. And after you have assassinated some targets, the guards starts to get suspicious about this person that walks around dressed like an assassin. But if you fold your arms and walk slowly everything is all right. Why couldn’t he just disguise himself?

    And you can’t even ride! “Look, someone riding a horse! It must be an assassin!”. Was it only assassins that had horses in the middle ages?

  • Darrin

    Chetil + Pelle, you were the only people who laughed. It’s people like you that make volunteer writing here worthwhile. 🙂

    Gary, I get what you were saying. This whole post was supposed to be funny (it backfired, I know). You even read my jestful Manhunt non-apology completely literally.