A Red Dead Redemption Chronicle…


… or Real Cowboys don’t use GPS

I decided to take a new approach on Red Dead Redemption. I realized I was getting lazy using all the high tech stuff the game has so I turned the GPS, HUD and all the girlie indicators off. To get the real cowboy feeling, I put a saddle in a couch, got a bottle of shoddy whiskey and a dirty glass and started to look for trouble.

I was really balled up at the first time trying to use the printed map, but I got used to it and head to the nearest burg. Armadillo, they say, I did not like the name of the city…

Nearly fifteen minutes of drinking and riding and I was already kinda bender, so I thought it would be a good idea to beef some dudes. On my way to the first saloon I passed along a pretty young lady in underwears, and to my surprise, she waved at me… At first I thought it was some kind of bosh mirage, and all of a sudden I had a crush with her. Damn, I couldn’t have some private time with her and she got me the mitten, so I decided to show all my love by riding together to McFarlane’s.  Just shot her, tied her to my horse and started to travel under the pale moon. I heard all the screaming…

I did not go far away when I noticed I was being followed by some lawmen. Heck, I had to dump my love… Last time I saw her the wolves were being served. Since I don’t care a continental, I looted her and discover $3. Yeah, she was poor…

So, to the lawmen… I rode like hell to scape them, killed some in the way back to the ranch but they dried gulch me. Did not get lucky, tough, they were too many, and last thing I recall I was trying to jump Pike’s Basin from the very top… I though I was a curly wolf and it all came a cropper…

This is a homage to this greatest game and all the freedom it has to offer.
Western Glossary:

Bender – drunk
Balled up – confused
Beef – to kill
Bosh – nonsense
Burg – town
Come a cropper – come to ruin, fail, or fall heavily
Curly wolf – real tough guy
Don’t care a continental – Don’t give a damn
Dry gulch – to ambush
Dude – an Easterner, or anyone in up-scale town clothes
Get the mitten – to be rejected by a lover
Shoddy – poor quality


Written by: Demerson - News Contributor


  1. #1 by Oly1Kenobi on June 10th, 2010 [ 132140 Points ]

    Awesome !

  2. #2 by Demerson on June 11th, 2010 [ 2814 Points ]

    Oly1Kenobi: Awesome !  

    Thank you, Oly. I’ll try to write more about these misadventures, tough. There’s plenty of stuff I’d like to do, like poker games and such. :)

  3. #3 by Sinlock on June 11th, 2010 [ 7625 Points ]

    I can vouch for Demersons love of the game.
    Last night we hooked up for some multi and you could tell he had run himself ragged during the day. About every 5th thing he said was followed by a yawn, yet he kept playing.

  4. #4 by Demerson on June 11th, 2010 [ 2814 Points ]

    Sinlock: I can vouch for Demersons love of the game.
    Last night we hooked up for some multi and you could tell he had run himself ragged during the day. About every 5th thing he said was followed by a yawn, yet he kept playing.  

    I’m still counting the horses that you owe me… ;)

  5. #5 by Sinlock on June 11th, 2010 [ 7625 Points ]

    Hey!!! It was only one horse!!

    And it was a head shot from 500m that had you fall down a 200 foot clift and survive.

    Say what you want , But that’s Entertainment!

  6. #6 by Demerson on June 11th, 2010 [ 2814 Points ]

    Sinlock: Hey!!! It was only one horse!!And it was a head shot from 500m that had you fall down a 200 foot clift and survive.Say what you want , But that’s Entertainment!  

    Next time I’ll ride the stagecoach…

  7. #7 by GamerGirl on June 11th, 2010

    Dude, check out the artwork of Mario and Luigi in “Red Dead” style at http://www.videogamemuseum.com/2010/06/04/if-nintendo-made-red-dead-redemption/

  8. #8 by Demerson on June 12th, 2010 [ 2814 Points ]

    GamerGirl: Dude, check out the artwork of Mario and Luigi in “Red Dead” style at http://www.videogamemuseum.com/2010/06/04/if-nintendo-made-red-dead-redemption/  

    Mamma mia bros…. Thas was funny! :)

  9. #9 by uberamza on June 29th, 2010 [ 915 Points ]

    GamerGirl: #7 by GamerGirl on June 11th, 2010
    Dude, check out the artwork of Mario and Luigi in “Red Dead” style at http://www.videogamemuseum.com/2010/06/04/if-nintendo-made-red-dead-redemption/

    ^

    Love the story dude, and the Mario Bros. artwork was hi larious pardners!!!


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