Life Should Be A Platinum Trophy


Greetings, loyal FooBear408 minions. It’s time once again to curl up around the proverbial campfire and listen to FooBear spin another yarn…but not just any yarn. Far from it – true believers – this yarn has quality fiber and has been sheared from the finest of sheep. The kind of yarn you’d be proud to weave into a real ugly holiday sweater or possibly some really well fitted gloves. You know? The ones with the individual finger thingies? I got to be honest, I don’t even know what in the blue hell that even means…”to spin a yarn”. I’m not even sure where I was going with the yarn thing and I’m even more positive that the payoff was pretty weak. So here’s the deal: I’m going to go ahead and start fresh on another paragraph.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had an affinity for video games. Being able to escape into an alternate reality and be someone else, even it’s just for a little bit. It’s also nice to make sure the right side of my brain is still fully functional. Even if half my brain power is devoted fully to finding the out the real reason why my PSN friend “Dvs-1″ has the ability to hide inside a bush and possess the jaw-dropping ninja skills to dump bullets on people and go 38-1 in the latest chapter of explosions and war: Call Of Duty: Black Ops. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off, screaming at my teammates because nobody has spy plane and the same dude keeps sneaking up behind me and slicing me like some sort of vindictive deli clerk. And of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s why we play and love video games, right? The different frustrating gameplay variables, the visual aspects and ultimately – to be challenged enough to care to keep playing the game you just coughed up some serious clams for.

Now let’s flip the script and flash back to about a year ago, when I was jobless and about 20lbs lighter and had a very little grey hair in my beard. I had just moved in with my universally awesome girlfriend into a real house-type-house with a roof and everything. I had no job and no income. Short of selling myself on the corner, I had to think fast. So utilizing the left side of my brain, I was able to narrow down specific fields to which I could possibly gain full time employment. That way i could stave off ideas of carving out my own kidney and harvesting it for quick cash. I finally decided on emergency roadside service (or ERS for you hip cats) for a small outfit located in the San Francisco Bay. Not something that was just “oh, I’ll just do that” kind of thing, I had done it before and had found it somewhat rewarding. The act of being able to help people when they need you the most, kind of makes you feel like a superhero. Not like one of the cool ones like Batman or Superman…like one of the less desirable ones – like “Aqualad” or “The Legion of Superpets”. Seriously!! The leader of the “Superpets” was a horse and wore a cape and possessed telepathic powers and there was this dog and a monkey and something that looked like a cat with down syndrome and they all wore capes….freakin’ capes, man!!

The Legion Of Superpets = Non Desirable

Now…where was I?? So I ended up getting this ERS job and went to the kitchen to share the news with my girlfriend. Needless to say she was more than relieved as well as supportive and asked me,” You got a job!! Aren’t you excited?!?”. I replied with a monotone, “Not really” and the truth was I actually wasn’t excited. I knew the hard work and challenges that lay before me to get the pay rate I knew I deserved and the shift that I wanted and all the benefits that come with changing a tire on the side of the freeway in the pouring rain while cars zip by at 70 m.p.h. And then they decide to honk at you because apparently you’re in their way and they have to be somewhere, so watch out otherwise you’re going to lose a damn foot. So when I started this job, I was basically going to put everything I had into this new gig and see what the cards had in store for me.

Lets hop back in the time machine and go forward almost one year now…My girlfriend and I just recently celebrated our first year of living together back in October and now that it’s December things have really changed for me at work as well. Over the past year I have excelled at every aspect of my job resulting in a better schedule and as well as other incentives. I get to have the weekends off which is UNHEARD of in the ERS field. I’ve received several accolades from customers and colleagues and all of this has been done with me just basically doing my job and overcoming everyday challenges and every once in a while having to take a crabby customer and smack’em around a little bit or at least choke them when no one is looking.

With that being said, the big wheel of life will rear it’s ugly head whenever it wants. Life has a plan for all of us and it certainly doesn’t care about my plans, otherwise I probably wouldn’t look like an overweight Han Solo or a late in life Marlon Brando resorting to fisticuffs for the last chicken wing at the local buffet. What should you take away from this well-thought-out diatribe you may be asking yourself? I guess that life may well be the ultimate platinum trophy, so whether or not you’re going beast mode in Call Of Duty or for some reason you just can’t seem to get some jerk to stop cutting you up like yesterday’s meatloaf – just remember it’s all part of the plan – just not yours.

I’ll be taking a mini break from writing over the holiday weekend, so have a cool New Years.


Written by: Damon - Contributing Editor


  1. #1 by Evilinside69 on December 31st, 2010

    I really loved the part where you described Dvs’ playing style : Jaw dropping ninja skills. Hope to see my name somewhere in your topics in near future.

  2. #2 by Ace on December 31st, 2010 [ 23465 Points ]

    Why are all your posts addicting to read?

  3. #3 by LOKO117 on December 31st, 2010 [ 2940 Points ]

    Dude…I love your posts. Keep them coming. They are, dare I say, titillating.

  4. #4 by Salnun on December 31st, 2010 [ 230 Points ]

    *Wordsmith Trophy* !

  5. #5 by Eddie on December 31st, 2010 [ 44542 Points ]

    There is this medication called adderall (I take it). Highly recommend it for someone like yourself lol.

    With that said…I now want a sub…thanks.

  6. #6 by yodaddy on December 31st, 2010

    puff puff pass MF….

  7. #7 by Trieloth on December 31st, 2010 [ 3426 Points ]

    Hey thanks for the good read. Happy new years!

  8. #8 by Kane112 on December 31st, 2010 [ 33422 Points ]

    another great story by a great writer, cheers for the story

  9. #9 by kennygk on December 31st, 2010 [ 25138 Points ]

    Wow great article. Feels like i’m reading a really good book about your life

  10. #10 by L/L on January 2nd, 2011 [ 4782 Points ]

    Hungover this time around. I don’t think I’ll ever be properly sober when I read your posts. If anything it seems more fun so I’m gonna take this on as a tradition of some sort :P

  11. #11 by Dvs-1 on January 3rd, 2011

    Ha! This n***a managed to name drop…Aqualad. Well played sir! Speaking of name dropping, thanks for that. I do aight in the so called “chapter of explosions and war: Call Of Duty: Black Ops.”

    Anyways, I digest. Love the article dude! Keep it up, keep it right up.


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