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Once again, loyal reader, it's time to curl up with a another verbally intrusive article written by who? FooBear408, that's who. And I'll have you stay out of my personal affairs, thank you very much. And while we're on the subject of personal affairs, did you happen to make a new years resolution? I realize the idea is somewhat antiquated and almost 90% of the general public doesn't keep them. It may be because while the intention for change and possibly a "new year calls for a new you" kind of attitude - the idea of it is just ...dumb. I personally never make any such outlandish promises, and haven't done so for as long as I can remember. I think more reality-based, "hi there, im from earth", type goals that are actually within the realm of possibility would and should be easily entertained. Like eating a recreated version of Yosemites' Half Dome entirely out of twinkies. I know I would put forth a valiant effort. What do you think? Sound good? Are we still buddies? Ok then - let's begin...
For instance, I think the number one resolution has got to involve some sort of weight loss. Let's be honest here folks, I'm not hopping on any treadmills after a ten hour work day and the fact of the matter is I certainly don't need some 23 year old punk who still lives at home with mommy and daddy because he's going to community college to "find himself" to tell me otherwise. If i actually entered into a gym i would either break out in hives or burst into flames. The very idea of any kind of exercise makes me exhausted, it's not that I'm lazy - its that I just don't care. And for the record, I think I get enough exercise at work lifting tires, jacking up cars and the general all-around movement that is needed for what it is I do. Plus, i have a pseudo addiction to oven roasted chicken breast sandwiches at subway, so that helps with all the veggies...probably. I'm not saying I'm the subway poster boy Jared by any stretch, but at least I got my big butt out there - doing stuff - know what i mean? I mean, it's not like I'm cramming down chocolate eclairs like they're tic-tacs or anything. I need to stop talking about food ...now.
Moving on, I think secondly another big one would be to quit smoking. Now for myself, I sadly only smoke when I've tossed a couple back drinkypoo's and any other time its "what's a cigarette?". I have no desire to smoke any other time - at all. My dad was a HUGE smoker, he'd smoke in the house, your house, outside, inside, at work (back in the day) during the week and he'd smoke around me. The inherent "dangers" weren't really known then like they are now. Second hand smoke is probably worse than smoking itself and have you actually seen a smokers lung picture on the internet? No? Then you're one of the lucky ones - it's gross. My dad and i would go everywhere in his ford ranger truck and he would hotbox the truck with smoke, most likely slowly killing me in some respect - but I sat there like a good kid and quietly coughed and did/said nothing. Enough smoke would billow out of the truck that it would look like I was running a fog machine for a freakin' KISS concert. Some people just can't quit though, some people truly are addicted to cigarettes. Now before this turns into an anti-smoking ad - let's move on to our final resolution.
The third and final one - "Spend more time with friends and family" - is usually a safe bet with someone who makes new years resolutions. Now I don't know about you, but genuinely can't stand my family. The whole lot of them have the personality of a dead moth and hanging out with them makes me want to slit my neck from ear to ear. I'm being serious, loyal reader - it's brutal and that's putting it lightly. The majority of my wonderful family live in Portland (where i'm from) and it's a good thing because it gives me a buffer zone. It's doesn't rope me into "babysitting duty" and going to some lame family reunion or even worse yet some sort of horrendous birthday/anniversary party. I can just use the more than solid excuse of "Ummm, I live about 1200 miles away, so I don't think I'll be able to make it" and it's been working for the last 10 years or so. And it's a good thing, because I would seriously have to freak out and blow up the whole town if I had to spend time with any member of my family for any amount of unspecified time. And let's not forget the people that love nothing more than to spend time with their family and/or immediate family and this entire paragraph was a complete waste of time. So goody-gumdrops for them.
So at this point, if I haven't throughly confused you, you're probably wondering what to make of all this ranting and raving I've been doing, right? Well buddy, let me tell you - FooBear doesn't have the answers for this one. Maybe more realistic goals would be the key here? Could be that you should just try to be a better person than you were last year? Maybe it's playing quality video games instead of whatever Gamestop has in the bargain bin? Or perhaps just forgoing all the rigamarole with the resolution thing and buying a fancy present for yourself? Something you know you'll like and have the means to purchase it and help out our stumbling economy...two birds with one stone! Stuff like that? I used to have this life mantra of "be average and then nobody will expect anything from you" and let me tell you, that kind of attitude only works for so long. I suppose when it really comes down to it - the goals you should make are the ones you intend on keeping. So don't always try to reach for the stars...because sometimes - they're just not meant to be touched.
My New Year's resolution was to lose weight. Yeaaaa I'm still getting to it. And it's April...... *meh* I'll do it when ti's warmer or something.
I think the worse part is that true, it's 2011 and we still don't have flying cars, or instant lose weight pills, or diabetes/aids/cancer go away shots.
I bet we do in fact, but the government would NEVER release them. Too much money makers. The best part about New Year
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