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A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to
the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will
be $9.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?”
asks the waitress.
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad,” says the man.
“Same,” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!”
“That’s right..Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there,” says the man.
The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say..”
lol, good idea for the first wish though.
So, there’s this yellow toad wandering around in the forest — kinda ticked off because he doesn’t want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were green like the other toads. He’d sure be less visible to predators for one thing.
Anyway, this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her, “Fairy godmother, please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators.”
The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says, “Toadra-capokus! You’re green!”
The toad looks down and sees that he is indeed green — except for his package which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother, “Wait a minute! My pecker’s still yellow!”
To this the fairy godmother replies, “I don’t do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that.”
The toad thanks her and hops off on his way to find The Wizard of Oz.
There is a purple bear also wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he also encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her, “Fairy godmother, please make me brown like all the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me because the hunters can spot me from a mile off.”
Being a nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand and says, “Bearus-cadabra! You’re brown!”
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries. They are still purple. He says, “My wang is still purple!”
She says, “I don’t do units. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that.”
To this the bear replies, “That’s just dandy! How the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?”
The fairy godmother answers, “That’s easy. Just follow the yellow dick toad!”
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