You didn’t think they would be easy did you? No, neither did I. The GOW games have never been easy and by the looks of the trophy list, the remake is not going to be any easier either. Fancy your chances of beating GOW1 in under 5 hours? Or beating the Loom Chamber in 2 in 10mins? Heck i couldn’t even do that at all. Full list of trophies after the jump.

God of War I – Bronze Trophies

• 1.21 Gigawatts – Acquire Poseidon’s Rage
• Rocking Out – Acquire Medusa’s Gaze
• Bolt Action – Acquire Zeus’ Fury
• Sword Man – Acquire Blade of Artemis
• Soul Search – Acquire Army of Hades
• Matador – Win the first Minotaur fight
• Scape Goat – Win the first Satyr fight
• Roll Over … and Die – Win the first Cerberus fight
• Don’t They Ever Shut Up! – Defeat the Desert Sirens
• Beat a Dead Horse – Complete the Centaur sacrifice to Hades
• Kickboxer – Complete the Spike Room Box Puzzle
• Rockin’ the Boat – Complete the Sex Mini-Game
• Don’t Leave Her Hanging – Rescue the Oracle with 10 seconds to spare
• Get the Ball Rolling – Complete the Challenge of Atlas
• Totally Baked – Complete the Human sacrifice
• Splash – Kiss the Nyad
• Get Me a Beer Kid – Free yourself from the depths of Hades
• Zero Health = Bronze Trophy – Open a Health Chest when your health meter is already full
• Hitman – Get a 100 Hits Combo
• Getting My Ass Kicked – Die enough times to get offered Easy Mode

God of War I – Silver Trophies

• Kratos’ Marble Collection – Collect all the Gorgon Eyes
• Stick it in Your Cap! – Collect all the Phoenix Feathers
• It’s the HUGE One – Retrieve the Captain’s Key
• Take the Bull by the Horns – Defeat Pandora’s Guardian
• God Killer – Kill Ares
• Head Hunter – Obtain the head of the Architect’s wife
• The Power to Kill a God – Retrieve Pandora’s Box
• Hitman 2 – Get a 200 Hits Combo
• Legend of the Twins – Watch the ‘Birth of the Beast’ Treasure
• Seeing Red – Max out all Weapons and Magic

God of War I – Gold Trophies

• Prepare to be a God – Beat the Game on any Difficulty
• You Got the Touch! – Climb the Spiked Column in Hades without taking damage
• I’ll Take the Physical Challenge – Complete the Challenge of the Gods
• Speed of Jason McDonald – Beat the game in under 5 hours on any Difficulty
• Key to Success – Collect all of the Muse Keys

God of War I – Platinum Trophies

Trophy of Zeus – Unlock all God of War Trophies
God of War II – Bronze Trophies

• Breaking Wind – Acquire Typhon’s Bane
• Big, Tuff, Buff and Rough – Acquire Rage of the Titans
• Blue Balls – Acquire Cronos’ Rage
• Shiner – Acquire the Golden Fleece
• Rock their World – Acquire the Head of Euryale
• Learning to Fly – Acquire the Icarus Wings
• Shaky Ground – Acquire Atlas Quake
• Death from Above 2009 – Defeat the Dark Rider for the first time
• Resurrection – Climb from the pit of Hades
• Rock Hard – Defeat the Titan Minotaur inside Atlas
• Pick’n on the Little Guy – Win the battle outside of the Palace of the Fates
• Watcha Got on the Hot Plate? – Solve the riddle of the Fire Phoenix Statue
• Whip it Good – Whip the Steeds of Time
• Lift with Your Knees – Topple the Temple in the Bog of the Forgotten
• Swinger – Cross the collapsing Grapple Bridge
• Stoner – Stone and Shatter 30 Enemies
• Super Sized – Get a 500 Hits Combo
• Hitting Your Stride – Power up any item

God of War II – Silver Trophies

• Eye Can’t Believe it – Collect all the Gorgon Eyes
• Go Make a Pillow! – Collect all the Phoenix Feathers
• Eye Sore – Collect 20 Cyclops Eyes
• Boss Batch 1 – Kill the Colossus of Rhodes, the Dark Rider, and Theseus
• Boss Batch 2 – Kill the Barbarian King, Euryale, and Perseus
• Boss Batch 3 – Kill the Kraken and all three Sisters of Fate
• Daddy Issues – Defeat Zeus
• Rise and SHINE – Awaken the Phoenix
• Spread ‘Em – Open the wings of the Temple of the Fates
• Shine King – Open the door to the Temple of Euryale
• Blowin’ Your Wad – Max out all Weapons and Magic

God of War II – Gold Trophies

• The End Begins – Beat the Game on any Difficulty
• Feel the Urn – Collect and use at least 2 Urns of Power
• Bleeding Thumbs – Beat the Challenge of the Titans
• 15 Min Fight Scene – Battle your way to the Loom Chamber in under 10 minutes
• You Know the Germans Make Good Stuff… – Collect all Uber Chests

God of War II – Platinum Trophies

• Trophy of Gaia – Unlock all God of War II Trophies

For more info and inside joke behind the trophies visit the US Blog. I might just use this collection as a chance to redeem myself and conquer my gaming demons to finally beat that Loom Chamber… The GOW 1 & 2 collection is out November 17th in the USA and next year in Europe.