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A Red Dead Redemption Chronicle…

… or Real Cowboys don’t use GPS

I decided to take a new approach on Red Dead Redemption. I realized I was getting lazy using all the high tech stuff the game has so I turned the GPS, HUD and all the girlie indicators off. To get the real cowboy feeling, I put a saddle in a couch, got a bottle of shoddy whiskey and a dirty glass and started to look for trouble.

I was really balled up at the first time trying to use the printed map, but I got used to it and head to the nearest burg. Armadillo, they say, I did not like the name of the city…

Nearly fifteen minutes of drinking and riding and I was already kinda bender, so I thought it would be a good idea to beef some dudes. On my way to the first saloon I passed along a pretty young lady in underwears, and to my surprise, she waved at me… At first I thought it was some kind of bosh mirage, and all of a sudden I had a crush with her. Damn, I couldn’t have some private time with her and she got me the mitten, so I decided to show all my love by riding together to McFarlane’s.  Just shot her, tied her to my horse and started to travel under the pale moon. I heard all the screaming…

I did not go far away when I noticed I was being followed by some lawmen. Heck, I had to dump my love… Last time I saw her the wolves were being served. Since I don’t care a continental, I looted her and discover $3. Yeah, she was poor…

So, to the lawmen… I rode like hell to scape them, killed some in the way back to the ranch but they dried gulch me. Did not get lucky, tough, they were too many, and last thing I recall I was trying to jump Pike’s Basin from the very top… I though I was a curly wolf and it all came a cropper…

This is a homage to this greatest game and all the freedom it has to offer.
Western Glossary:

Bender – drunk
Balled up – confused
Beef – to kill
Bosh – nonsense
Burg – town
Come a cropper – come to ruin, fail, or fall heavily
Curly wolf – real tough guy
Don’t care a continental – Don’t give a damn
Dry gulch – to ambush
Dude – an Easterner, or anyone in up-scale town clothes
Get the mitten – to be rejected by a lover
Shoddy – poor quality