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[Girlfriend Review] Double Feature - God of War: Ascension / Spec Ops: The Line

*Editors note: All spoiler text will be hidden. To reveal simply highlight the text in between the [spoiler] tags.*

God of War: Ascension

Yikes. God of War: Ascension was really bloody. It was Quentin-Tarantino-and-Eli-Roth’s love-child bloody. I really only saw about half an hour of gameplay and I saw more blood than in an episode of Game of Thrones. I have one vividly clear memory of this gore, and that was during the Trial of Archimedes level. Kratos slices the Medusa-lizard thingy right down the middle, and leaves her splayed on the ground like a partially juillenied cucumber.

A couple other things I remember about the game: the elephant man that Kratos fought? Was that the Hindi god Ganesh? Cuz I don’t remember any elephant men in Greek mythology. (Mainly because there aren’t any elephants in Greece.) And then there was that half spider/half human/half robot lady that did acrobats while fighting Kratos. Who was that? Lord Varys? (He’s the only Spider I can think of.)

Um…yeah, that’s pretty much all I can remember of that game. I’m just glad I don’t have to play it.

Spec Ops: The Line

The first few hours of gameplay were a lot like the first-person shooter that I’m used to, the kind a non-gamer like myself would expect. (To clarify, the only FPS I’ve ever played was Goldeneye on the N64, which I don’t really remember, as I last played it over a decade ago.)

In Spec Ops, your character is a special ops soldier, in war-torn Dubai. You kill the enemy while trying to rescue your friends (I think) and get home safe.

Based on the dialogue I could hear, I almost thought Aaron Sorkin had written it. It was fast-paced, cutting and funny, with a hint of seriousness.

But as you and your team get deeper into Dubai, you learn that another team of soldiers, unit 33, has gone rogue. They killed a lot of civilians. I don’t know why. The storyline was a little too convoluted for me to grasp, since I wasn’t really paying attention to it.

The leader of the 33 is the Big Bad you’re trying to defeat. He’s killed a lot of American soldiers and Dubai-ian (Dubainite?) civilians. I think he’s trying to get you onto his side, and he attempts this by putting you in some difficult situations. [spoiler]You have to walk through an area full of people who are dying because of chemical warfare. You also have to walk through a room of civilian corpses, including one that is extremely gruesome: a mother holding her child, the two fused together by whatever killed them. At one point, it looks like the 33 has killed one of your team members.[/spoiler]

There is one scene that will probably give me nightmares, or at least very disturbing dreams. [spoiler]Your team walks underneath a bridge, which has two people hanging from it. One person is a thief, a civilian who stole water for his family. The other is the soldier who killed the thief’s family. You are forced to choose which one lives and which one dies.[/spoiler]

I didn’t see the full ending, so I don’t know exactly how the game ends. I don’t know how you “win”. But [spoiler]I did catch the M. Night Shyamalan twist that closed out the story.[/spoiler] And it was pretty interesting.


Girlfriend Review is not an official review. It is intended as an entertaining look into the perception of a game by an outsider.